By D.R. Boatwright Special Guest Contributor
With the Presidential Election of 2008 concluding with Barack Obama the victor and the endless elation that ensued in the days and weeks thereafter, many thought that our country had finally come to the proverbial “fork in the road” regarding race relations. Unfortunately, many of us forgot that euphoria is nothing more than a “temporary” sensation of excitement. Now that the ecstasy of Obama’s unpredictable victory has subsided we have been jolted back to reality with yet another incident consumed with racial implications. This incident not only regulates us to the same timeless conversation with no viable solution in sight, but divides us at a critical point in the history of our nation. It can be argued that racism has served as a historical distraction that will significantly limit “liberty and justice for all” and rather than overcoming it together, we have become accustomed to tolerating levels of it.
The incident I am alluding to involves Harvard professor, Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge Massachusetts police officer Sgt. James Crowley. Apparently Dr. Gates misplaced his keys and broke into his “own” home. A neighbor saw the actions of Dr. Gates and reported it to the authorities. Moments later Sgt. Crowley arrived on the scene to investigate a possible break-in. At this point two versions of the story reveal themselves with no explicit evidence as to which side is stating the truth. Based on both versions I can see where both individuals could have made better decisions. First, it is apparent that Dr. Gates was disobliging during the questioning process…and, based on your perspective, he had good reason. However, patience and cooperation along with valid identification that it was his home could have diffused the situation. Second, regardless of how unaccommodating Dr. Gates was, he was doing so on “his” property. After discovering that it was Dr. Gates’ residence Sgt. Crowley should have left the premises. Instead, he allowed himself to get immersed deeper into the situation resulting in him arresting Dr. Gates for disorderly conduct in his own home…which, to paraphrase President Obama, was just stupid.
On two separate occasions an amicable resolution could have been reached but because of the impatience of a black scholar and the undeniable misjudgment of a white police officer we are focused on this unnecessary soap opera. In the meantime, the likelihood that the unemployment rate will exceed 10% by the end of the year is highly probable, Congress will be on August recess which puts healthcare on hold and the energy crisis has still not been resolved. Racism is not a trivial matter but it does not supersede these and other issues that we all need to solve together. Until we decide that we to truly want to “get along” instead of tolerating each other this situation will continue to play out in the landscape of our country. Tolerance of this ignorant ideology is not what I want for my country and neither should you.
D.R. Boatwright is a Senior Curriculum Analyst and Writer for Empowered Young Men, an organization designed to reprogram and develop young black men into leaders. Our slogan “Cultivating Dreams by Reconstructing Reality” gets at the essence of what we do. By surrounding young black men with older more successful black men and helping them build a positive network of people from all walks of life to support their dreams, we know that we can get them excited about life, education and the great resources America has to offer.
D.R. Boatwright can be contacted at drboatwright@empoweredyoungmen.org
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Life Isn't Fair; Racism Does Exist
Yesterday morning as I was preparing my children for summer camp, I heard about the story of the private swim club in Philadelphia that is accused of racial discrimination against a day care center made up of mostly minority children. The daycare center’s director said that members of the private swim club made racist comments about the center's children, and the club then canceled their swimming privileges. The Director of the swim club said in a local newspaper interview that the children had changed the complexion and the atmosphere of the Club.
What was most heartbreaking for me was to see and hear the interview with one of the 12 year old students from the center who overheard the remarks. Tearfully, he discussed how members asked why the black children were there and expressed fear that the children could do something to their kids or steal their things. When asked why he was crying, he said because he didn’t think this still happened today.
I thought this was a very poignant statement from a 12-year old hoping to grow up or who thought he was growing up in a transracial America. No doubt this was the child’s first encounter with overt racism. As with any child, their first encounter with learning the world isn’t as perfect as we’ve been told or as it ought to be can be a pretty devastating lesson to learn. For me, it is a reminder as parents, that even in the age of Obama and at a time where African-Americans are making enormous gains that racism remains a factor in our lives and the lives of our children.
As I sat there watching the interview with my children, I used it as an opportunity to further educate and discuss with them that Life Isn’t Fair; Racism Does Exist. It is a lesson that I think every African-American mom should teach her sons (daughters for that fact also) and it is one of the lessons in my book: Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration and Hope for Today’s Young African-American Men.
Unfortunately, our young sons need to know that despite all the progress, we still live in a racial society where some people make decisions based on race. This can be a hard and a contradictory lesson for our youth because we often send our children mixed messages. On the one hand we espouse the belief that merit and hard work are all that matter but yet we as adults know that this belief isn’t applicable in all cases and we fail to prepare them for that. I've found that what happens is that children who never learn that life isn't fair or that are never educated about racism are unable to move beyond the incident because their entire belief system has been shattered when these types of incidents occur.
The truth is to some people, skin color is all that matters. I do hope, however, at the end of the day this painful experience doesn’t breed a hopeless type of resentment and anger in this child, which is a natural reaction to these types of situations, and that his parents and others around him help him understand that he did noting wrong, that racism is not his fault and that there is nothing wrong or shameful in being African-American. The shame, is that in 2009, where you have an African-American president, African-Americans making enormous gains and a more diverse America that ignorance, intolerance and stereotypes still rule the day with some segments of our society.
As a parent, I think there are several things you can do to help your child cope with racism.
1. Prepare your child for racism. No matter your socioeconomic status or your educational background, if your child is a child of color he or she will at some point in their lives undoubtedly encounter racism so prepare them for it. Don't assume that race is a nonissue for your family.
2. Start early talking to your child about racism. Racist comments can come as early as preschool. Just as you shouldn’t wait until your child has been molested by a pedophile to teach them about molestation or caught stealing to teach them about theft, you should not wait until their first encounter with racism to teach them about racism. While you don’t need to instill fear in them about racism, you can still provide them generalized rules and ideas about racism and how to handle situations that may arise. Along with this, look for teachable moments that can help your child understand racism. The pool incident discussed above is a good example of a teachable moment. I used this incident to explain to my own children why the youngster being interviewed was crying and ascertain their own feelings about how they would have felt in that situation. I also was able to discuss with them how to handle that situation. At the same time, correct your child if they engage in instances of racism, prejudice or stereotypes. It’s helpful for them to understand situations where they may be perpetrating the same behavior against others.
3. Build your child’s self esteem and identity. As the saying goes, the best offense is a good defense and that is also the case here. Helping to create a good self esteem and identity with your child can actually serve as the best defense against racism because you want your child to define for themselves who they are and not be defined by racist comments or stereotypes. A great way to build self esteem and identity is to surround your child with other children like them, expose them to heritage programs and teach them their history so they are aware of the role that people of their heritage have played in shaping the world both in the present and the past. Additionally, expose your child to children of diverse backgrounds so that they can also learn about diversity.
4. Take Action. If your child experiences racism, it’s important that you take action. It’s important that your child see you stand up for them so they are able to stand up for themselves. Otherwise, your child may think this type of behavior is acceptable and that there is nothing they can do about it. If the incident occurred at school, we need to work with school faculty and administration to make them aware of any such situation. If a teacher or other administration official is the problem, then we need to discuss the situation with higher authorities such as superintendent or other school board members. Learn the school’s policy and their course of action for handling harassment or racism.
5. Teach Racism Is Not Their Fault. Always make clear to your child that they’ve done nothing wrong and that racism is not the result of any bad behavior on their part. Tell them that they are loved and they are beautiful. Love is often a great consolation to a child who is feeling helplessness and uncertainty.
At the end of the day, it’s important that we educate our children about racism and life’s unfairness. However, it is also important to teach them that even though life is unfair that such unfairness is not irrevocable and they can't allow themselves to be subjugated to the victim mentality. Despite its flaws, America remains a place of tremendous opportunity and neither injustice nor inequity can prevent them from being successful but feelings of anger, resentment and hopelessness certainly can if they can’t learn to maneuver around them.
What was most heartbreaking for me was to see and hear the interview with one of the 12 year old students from the center who overheard the remarks. Tearfully, he discussed how members asked why the black children were there and expressed fear that the children could do something to their kids or steal their things. When asked why he was crying, he said because he didn’t think this still happened today.
I thought this was a very poignant statement from a 12-year old hoping to grow up or who thought he was growing up in a transracial America. No doubt this was the child’s first encounter with overt racism. As with any child, their first encounter with learning the world isn’t as perfect as we’ve been told or as it ought to be can be a pretty devastating lesson to learn. For me, it is a reminder as parents, that even in the age of Obama and at a time where African-Americans are making enormous gains that racism remains a factor in our lives and the lives of our children.
As I sat there watching the interview with my children, I used it as an opportunity to further educate and discuss with them that Life Isn’t Fair; Racism Does Exist. It is a lesson that I think every African-American mom should teach her sons (daughters for that fact also) and it is one of the lessons in my book: Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration and Hope for Today’s Young African-American Men.
Unfortunately, our young sons need to know that despite all the progress, we still live in a racial society where some people make decisions based on race. This can be a hard and a contradictory lesson for our youth because we often send our children mixed messages. On the one hand we espouse the belief that merit and hard work are all that matter but yet we as adults know that this belief isn’t applicable in all cases and we fail to prepare them for that. I've found that what happens is that children who never learn that life isn't fair or that are never educated about racism are unable to move beyond the incident because their entire belief system has been shattered when these types of incidents occur.
The truth is to some people, skin color is all that matters. I do hope, however, at the end of the day this painful experience doesn’t breed a hopeless type of resentment and anger in this child, which is a natural reaction to these types of situations, and that his parents and others around him help him understand that he did noting wrong, that racism is not his fault and that there is nothing wrong or shameful in being African-American. The shame, is that in 2009, where you have an African-American president, African-Americans making enormous gains and a more diverse America that ignorance, intolerance and stereotypes still rule the day with some segments of our society.
As a parent, I think there are several things you can do to help your child cope with racism.
1. Prepare your child for racism. No matter your socioeconomic status or your educational background, if your child is a child of color he or she will at some point in their lives undoubtedly encounter racism so prepare them for it. Don't assume that race is a nonissue for your family.
2. Start early talking to your child about racism. Racist comments can come as early as preschool. Just as you shouldn’t wait until your child has been molested by a pedophile to teach them about molestation or caught stealing to teach them about theft, you should not wait until their first encounter with racism to teach them about racism. While you don’t need to instill fear in them about racism, you can still provide them generalized rules and ideas about racism and how to handle situations that may arise. Along with this, look for teachable moments that can help your child understand racism. The pool incident discussed above is a good example of a teachable moment. I used this incident to explain to my own children why the youngster being interviewed was crying and ascertain their own feelings about how they would have felt in that situation. I also was able to discuss with them how to handle that situation. At the same time, correct your child if they engage in instances of racism, prejudice or stereotypes. It’s helpful for them to understand situations where they may be perpetrating the same behavior against others.
3. Build your child’s self esteem and identity. As the saying goes, the best offense is a good defense and that is also the case here. Helping to create a good self esteem and identity with your child can actually serve as the best defense against racism because you want your child to define for themselves who they are and not be defined by racist comments or stereotypes. A great way to build self esteem and identity is to surround your child with other children like them, expose them to heritage programs and teach them their history so they are aware of the role that people of their heritage have played in shaping the world both in the present and the past. Additionally, expose your child to children of diverse backgrounds so that they can also learn about diversity.
4. Take Action. If your child experiences racism, it’s important that you take action. It’s important that your child see you stand up for them so they are able to stand up for themselves. Otherwise, your child may think this type of behavior is acceptable and that there is nothing they can do about it. If the incident occurred at school, we need to work with school faculty and administration to make them aware of any such situation. If a teacher or other administration official is the problem, then we need to discuss the situation with higher authorities such as superintendent or other school board members. Learn the school’s policy and their course of action for handling harassment or racism.
5. Teach Racism Is Not Their Fault. Always make clear to your child that they’ve done nothing wrong and that racism is not the result of any bad behavior on their part. Tell them that they are loved and they are beautiful. Love is often a great consolation to a child who is feeling helplessness and uncertainty.
At the end of the day, it’s important that we educate our children about racism and life’s unfairness. However, it is also important to teach them that even though life is unfair that such unfairness is not irrevocable and they can't allow themselves to be subjugated to the victim mentality. Despite its flaws, America remains a place of tremendous opportunity and neither injustice nor inequity can prevent them from being successful but feelings of anger, resentment and hopelessness certainly can if they can’t learn to maneuver around them.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Mom Places Erotic Ad on Craiglists About 9 year old girl
I recently saw a news story about a social worker mom seeking revenge against a bullying classmate of her 9 year old daughter who placed an erotic ad on Craigslist. The ad read: "I need a little affection... I'm blond, I'm cute and I'll be waiting." The mom of the girl targeted said her daughter received 22 calls in one day from men responding to the ad.
While I understand the frustration a parent may feel about seeing his or her child tormented and harassed, this story along with the story of a Missouri mother who was tentatively acquitted for her role in a MySpace hoax directed at a 13-year-old neighbor girl who later killed herself, highlights that parents have to walk a tight rope between being advocates for and defending their kids and becoming harassers.
Honestly, as a parent, I really couldn’t believe these stories. As a mom of two boys, I have dealt with my own children being harassed by other kids so I understand the frustration of the Craigslist mom. But to place an erotic ad and give grown men the number of a child, is just too much. After all, this woman is a social worker who should know better than to endanger the welfare of any child. As a social worker, I would also think she would seek out other ways and have access to other resources that would allow her to better handle this situation. The bottom line is that as parents we have to remember we are talking about children. My own personal thoughts are that if your child is being bullied try doing the following:
1. Talk to the schools. If your child is being bullied at school or the bus stop or even by a school mate outside school, talk to the school administration about this. I know a lot of schools don’t take bullying as serious as they should but as a parent it is your responsibility to make the school aware of the issue and talk to them as much as necessary. Do not worry about being an annoyance; this is after all your child. If you don’t find much assistance at the school level, take it to the superintendent or even try to form some type of network with other parents whose kids are being bullied at school. The more parents seeking to have the issue addressed the more attention schools will give to it.
2. Talk to the bully’s parents. Talk to the parent of the child who is bullying yours to see if you can get any resolution. Sometimes this can eliminate any bullying. Other times, a parent may not be willing to recognize that their child is a bully. The key is that you have to take all the appropriate steps to try to eliminate the issue rather than seeking to behavior that can harm the other child.
3. Teach your child to stand up for him or herself. The bottom line is at the end of the day you have to teach your child to stand up for him or herself. Your child has to understand there is a difference between defending himself and being the perpetrator and that it is ok to defend himself. As a parent, you aren’t always going to be there to help them resolve their issues.
My golden rule has always been that unless someone is subjecting my child to physical harm to help them try to address teasing on their own while I, as the parent, discuss the matter with the school, the teacher and the other child’s parent. At the end of the day, while we may get frustrated as parents, we have to keep trying to address the situation rather than crossing a line that would land us in jail and cause more harm to our family than the initial situation that started everything.
What would you do as a parent if someone were bullying your child?
While I understand the frustration a parent may feel about seeing his or her child tormented and harassed, this story along with the story of a Missouri mother who was tentatively acquitted for her role in a MySpace hoax directed at a 13-year-old neighbor girl who later killed herself, highlights that parents have to walk a tight rope between being advocates for and defending their kids and becoming harassers.
Honestly, as a parent, I really couldn’t believe these stories. As a mom of two boys, I have dealt with my own children being harassed by other kids so I understand the frustration of the Craigslist mom. But to place an erotic ad and give grown men the number of a child, is just too much. After all, this woman is a social worker who should know better than to endanger the welfare of any child. As a social worker, I would also think she would seek out other ways and have access to other resources that would allow her to better handle this situation. The bottom line is that as parents we have to remember we are talking about children. My own personal thoughts are that if your child is being bullied try doing the following:
1. Talk to the schools. If your child is being bullied at school or the bus stop or even by a school mate outside school, talk to the school administration about this. I know a lot of schools don’t take bullying as serious as they should but as a parent it is your responsibility to make the school aware of the issue and talk to them as much as necessary. Do not worry about being an annoyance; this is after all your child. If you don’t find much assistance at the school level, take it to the superintendent or even try to form some type of network with other parents whose kids are being bullied at school. The more parents seeking to have the issue addressed the more attention schools will give to it.
2. Talk to the bully’s parents. Talk to the parent of the child who is bullying yours to see if you can get any resolution. Sometimes this can eliminate any bullying. Other times, a parent may not be willing to recognize that their child is a bully. The key is that you have to take all the appropriate steps to try to eliminate the issue rather than seeking to behavior that can harm the other child.
3. Teach your child to stand up for him or herself. The bottom line is at the end of the day you have to teach your child to stand up for him or herself. Your child has to understand there is a difference between defending himself and being the perpetrator and that it is ok to defend himself. As a parent, you aren’t always going to be there to help them resolve their issues.
My golden rule has always been that unless someone is subjecting my child to physical harm to help them try to address teasing on their own while I, as the parent, discuss the matter with the school, the teacher and the other child’s parent. At the end of the day, while we may get frustrated as parents, we have to keep trying to address the situation rather than crossing a line that would land us in jail and cause more harm to our family than the initial situation that started everything.
What would you do as a parent if someone were bullying your child?
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