ARE WOMEN TO BLAME FOR MEN’S BAD BEHAVIOR?

Yes, you read right. I did ask if women are to blame for men’s bad behavior. I know this topic won’t garner any love from my current female friends or women in general. And, it may garner gratitude from men who read the wrong intentions into what I’m saying. Either way, I’m committed to having an honest conversation about this issue.

For far too long when a girlfriend seeks our counsel about a misbehaving man, we placate her emotions by blaming him or espousing the man’s good virtues while ignoring his bad ones. Now this isn’t intended to be an article focused on the battle of the sexes, but the truth is there are some men, like some women, who do engage in bad behavior.

And while women are quick to label those men “dogs”, cheaters or some other label based on the circumstance, I’m always amazed to find missing from the conversation the recognition of the role that we, as women, play in helping to contribute to the perpetuation of the bad behavior exhibited by these men.

Every thing in this world takes two: it takes two to cheat, two to make a baby, two to argue, and on and on. But most women tend to only focus on the one of us: the man. But it’s time that we start to accept our responsibility for the role we play in allowing this “bad behavior” to continue. So from this day forward, I ask that when you talk about what men are doing, ask yourself what role are you playing in contributing to this behavior and do the following:

1. Set some standards. If a man doesn’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated, let him go. I know easier said than done but the truth is there are at least 4 billion people in this world and there is someone out there that can treat you the way you feel you deserved to be treated.

2. Find your own man. If you’re cheating with a married man or with a man who’s supposedly in a committed relationship, stop doing so. Regardless of what the man says about his wife or girlfriend not treating him well, the truth is this is not your problem to fix. A man who cheats with you will also cheat on you. What’s worst is that you’ve help create the behavior in men which you proclaim to dislike. You can’t scream about men being dogs and then cheat with them. No that just doesn’t work.

3. Teach Your Kids What To Accept And How To Behave. Raise your daughters to understand the value of looking for and building a life with a good man and teach your sons to understand the importance of being a good man. Too many of our youth, equate the value of a man to his sexual promiscuity or his bling. None of this equates to worth. Rather, good men are ones who respect women and understand the importance of raising and being a part of the life of his children. A good man is also one who understands the role he plays in helping to build good families and our communities.

The truth does hurt sometimes. As women we have to learn to accept responsibility for our behavior and our actions. This doesn't mean that we're to blame for men's behavior but it definitely means we're to blame for ours and we should stop sugarcoating it.







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