Protecting Your Sons Against Police Violence

Every day, it seems I hear a story about a black youth who has been hospitalized or killed because of a police stop. I don’t suspect that random police stops are happening any more than normal but that we’re just hearing about them more and more. And while many of us like to find comfort in the fact that many of these stops are somehow limited to young inner city black youth often believed to be thugs or drug dealers, the truth is you ought to think again. Take the case of my 17-year old god son who called me recently to complain about an experience he had with racial profiling.

By all accounts, he’s a good kid who goes to a highly regarded suburban school in Missouri, gets good grades and has never been in trouble a day in his life and had never been stopped by the police until the incident he called about.
My god son informed me that he and another one of his friends were on their way to pick up their dates to go bowling. The officer pulled them over and asked for their licenses. When they inquired about why they were being stopped the police gave the normal line: we had reasonable suspicion. The reasonable suspicion: my god son and his friend, who were bobbing their heads to the radio, were moving around in the car too much for the officer’s comfort level. After checking their tags, registration and license, of course, the officer allowed them to proceed but not without a warning. He advised that in the future they not move so much in the car.

My god son was very upset by the encounter because he only believed he had been stopped because he was a young black man. Even so, he acknowledged that he felt anger for what he thought was an unjust police stop and reasoned how easy it is for things to go wrong. He knew that because of many of the things we had thought him about how to behave in a police stop situation that he, while angry, was able to control his emotions. The truth is police stops happen all the time. It’s important that our sons understand how to handle such stops without being injured or losing their lives. Here are three things that I think every mom should teach their sons about police stops:

1. Remain calm and respectful. Even if your son believes the officer is not being respectful of him, it’s important that he remain respectful, polite and calm at all times. There is nothing that gives an officer cause to hit or be more aggressive than when the officer thinks the person is being uncooperative.

2. Don’t worry about on the scene vindication. My own suspicion is that many of the injuries and deaths that occur in random police stops probably stem from attempts by youth to vindicate their rights on the scene. Many youth watch television and often believe that if an officer stopped them for what they believe is no apparent reason or asks to search their car or them unlawfully that by law they have the right to protest and contest such actions. Our youth are right but the real issue is when is the best time to vindicate your rights. I have often encouraged my sons that on the scene is not the appropriate time. Their entire goal during random police stops is to try to survive the encounter. Once they are someplace safe then we can move fast and furious toward the vindication of their rights rather it be filing a police complaint or hiring a lawyer. But none of that means anything if they are seriously injured or killed as a result of a routine police stop.

3. Share with your sons the lessons put out by the 100 Coalition of Black Police Officers. On their website, they have provided a list of dos and don’ts for our youth in various situations they may encounter with the police. It is an invaluable list and every mother should share it with her son. The list can be found at: http://members.tripod.com/blacksnlaw/